When? Just now whilst I was trying to have my tea.
Where: On my doorstep.
Says our spotter:
I was trying to watch Coronation Street. Jack Duckworth had put some money on a horse but had lost his betting slip, but really his son had stolen it and Tyrone, who is Jack's lodger but more like an adopted son really, was trying to expose the theft. Anyway, I just sat down and there was a knock at the door. I paused the Sky plus...by the way have you used Sky plus?... isn't it amazing what they can do with technology thse days? DVD players, Sky plus, 3-speed rampant rabbits with anal stimulator, amazing. Anyway, where was I? Yes, the door. So, I answered the door and who do you think was there? It was Cannon and the Ball! They used to be on the telly a while ago, you know, when telly was really, really terrible? Do you remember? When Russ Abbott had a prime time Saturday evening show, without there being any irony about this fact, and Les Dennis was on BBC 1 without it involving a nervous breakdown or Ricky Gervais. Anyway, so the Ball says to me "We're in the area selling double glazing and wondered if you'd like a free quotation and by the way have you heard the good news about Jesus?" and then Cannon starts berating the Ball, saying "You need to stick to the script Robert! We'll never close a deal if you keep going off-message!" and he starts getting really angry and saying how the Ball is always ruining everything and how they never would have got "sent down" if the Ball hadn't done "that stupid f*cking braces thing in front of the judge!" At this point Balls starts weeping and saying "You can't have a cannon without a ball!" Cannon just marches off at this point, leaving the Ball in tears on my doorstep. As Cannon walks out my gate he stops and yells over his shoulder "Eddie Large has a B & B in Blackpool, Bobby! Where's Syd Little?". Then he looks around conspicuously and makes a gesture with his hands as if to say "Nowhere".
I bought a pair of French doors and three UPVC triple-glazed windows off the Ball and, after an initial delay for fitting, I'm quite happy with them.